NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!! I'm just going to be applying for Chinese residency in a few weeks and needed to go through a medical evaluation that consisted of an ultrasound. It's logical right, you are going to live here we should check out everything about you.
A woman from Fragomen (the law firm helping us process the paperwork) picks me up at 8:45am from my apartment, she speaks minimal English but enough to say "Are you Annie?". Yep that's me! Ok lets go! Away we go in her sporty red Peugot. As soon as we get in the car she turns on some Mariah Carey and Tina Turner mix. Interesting, I wonder if she does this for all her American clients. We end up going to the Suzhou International Travel Health Center in what we call SND, the other side of town. We live in SIP.
We walk in this place, I get out my passport, some man makes a copy then the lady shuffles me over to registration. A lady in a sea green outfit with a white nurse hat takes my picture on a camera and makes me sign some blue sheet that's all in mandarin. I really hope I didn't sign my life away!
The receptionist then hands the lady with me a blue sheet with boxes and stuff on it. The lady motions to me that we need to go and I better hurry, she's not wasting time!!!
We head to an elevator back and just in case your'e wondering in the elevators in this building there is "No SMOOKING Allowed". Not a typo on my end - a typo on the translation end! (I tried to take the picture non-descretely but I know that didn't happen.) I also spotted 3 other of these exact same signs throughout the building. All with the same incorrect spelling. I was laughing very very hard inside!
Alright so now there are about 7 different rooms, we walk in the first one, a man, again in a sea green long lab coat yells something in Chinese. The lady tells me to take off my shoes and coat and stand on this machine. She grabs my purse and coat. The machine takes my height and weight, then I have to sit in a chair and get my blood pressure taken. The machine is just like the ones in Wal-Mart we used to mess around with as kids! The man then gives my blue paper a red stamp and hands it back to the lady! Whew passed that test.
Next room - there's a line, oh quick run down to this room instead no one is getting blood drawn. WHAT NEEDLES?!?!?! Yep - 4 vials of blood were drawn. What for? Beats me, all I know is I HATE needles and I"m pretty sure that Qtip that you pulled out of the iodine to swab my arm with looks like it's been used for the past year. NO JOKE! Now I want to puke. Ok done, with the blood - I'm pretty sure the nurse lady told me to hold the cotton ball on my spot for 5 minutes. I threw it away after I walked out of that room. No bandaids are given and don't bother to wipe off the iodine you smeared ALL OVER my forearm!
Next room, hurry, get behind the curtain! What, an ultrasound? Seriously, I had to lay down on this green papered bed that had probably not had the paper changed in at least 3 months, lift up my shirt so some lady, again in a scary sea green gown, can goop up an ultrasound machine and start rubbing it around on my stomach. I'm not pregnant... I told you that!!! She then throws me a handful of paper napkins and opens the curtain.
The race continues onto the next check. There's a line at the ECG door so we run down the hallway to the eye exam. I sit in a chair read some numbers. I'm not sure if I"m suppose to read them in mandarin or english. I go for english! The lady keeps asking me something, I'm pretty sure it's if I wear contacts or not. I just not and smile. Oh and wait - I was suppose to put the metal spatula over one eye when I did the test - RE-DO!!!
Is this 1950's/60's horror movie over yet? The last test was the ECG - yep really had a bunch of stuff stuck to my chest - 3 devices and then clamps around the wrists and one on the right ankle... I can't even explain what was going through my mind at that point. I had this urge to laugh and it would've been a good pee your pants laugh but I held it in. Back in the No Smooking elevator. Crap, I thought we were done - now I have to go in the X-ray room this is even more Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde than I want to experience this morning. The man in his sea green lab coat pushes me up against some X-ray machine runs out of the room and pushes some buttons (Or at least I assume he's pushing buttons because there is a lot of beeping going on) and then opens the door. I guess I'm done now? I leave the room after I grab my blue sheet with all my red stamps, assuming I passed them all and hand them to the lady who brought me here. She hands me my purse and jacket which she's been holding it the entire time while running me from room to room and runs to the reception to turn in my blue sheet.
ALL DONE!
Back in the car now and on the way home. Whew! That was an exhausting morning. They really run you between rooms it was insane. Now I need a shower to wash off all the iodine, ultrasound goop and sticky ECG crap!
The receptionist then hands the lady with me a blue sheet with boxes and stuff on it. The lady motions to me that we need to go and I better hurry, she's not wasting time!!!
We head to an elevator back and just in case your'e wondering in the elevators in this building there is "No SMOOKING Allowed". Not a typo on my end - a typo on the translation end! (I tried to take the picture non-descretely but I know that didn't happen.) I also spotted 3 other of these exact same signs throughout the building. All with the same incorrect spelling. I was laughing very very hard inside!
Alright so now there are about 7 different rooms, we walk in the first one, a man, again in a sea green long lab coat yells something in Chinese. The lady tells me to take off my shoes and coat and stand on this machine. She grabs my purse and coat. The machine takes my height and weight, then I have to sit in a chair and get my blood pressure taken. The machine is just like the ones in Wal-Mart we used to mess around with as kids! The man then gives my blue paper a red stamp and hands it back to the lady! Whew passed that test.
Next room - there's a line, oh quick run down to this room instead no one is getting blood drawn. WHAT NEEDLES?!?!?! Yep - 4 vials of blood were drawn. What for? Beats me, all I know is I HATE needles and I"m pretty sure that Qtip that you pulled out of the iodine to swab my arm with looks like it's been used for the past year. NO JOKE! Now I want to puke. Ok done, with the blood - I'm pretty sure the nurse lady told me to hold the cotton ball on my spot for 5 minutes. I threw it away after I walked out of that room. No bandaids are given and don't bother to wipe off the iodine you smeared ALL OVER my forearm!
Next room, hurry, get behind the curtain! What, an ultrasound? Seriously, I had to lay down on this green papered bed that had probably not had the paper changed in at least 3 months, lift up my shirt so some lady, again in a scary sea green gown, can goop up an ultrasound machine and start rubbing it around on my stomach. I'm not pregnant... I told you that!!! She then throws me a handful of paper napkins and opens the curtain.
The race continues onto the next check. There's a line at the ECG door so we run down the hallway to the eye exam. I sit in a chair read some numbers. I'm not sure if I"m suppose to read them in mandarin or english. I go for english! The lady keeps asking me something, I'm pretty sure it's if I wear contacts or not. I just not and smile. Oh and wait - I was suppose to put the metal spatula over one eye when I did the test - RE-DO!!!
Is this 1950's/60's horror movie over yet? The last test was the ECG - yep really had a bunch of stuff stuck to my chest - 3 devices and then clamps around the wrists and one on the right ankle... I can't even explain what was going through my mind at that point. I had this urge to laugh and it would've been a good pee your pants laugh but I held it in. Back in the No Smooking elevator. Crap, I thought we were done - now I have to go in the X-ray room this is even more Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde than I want to experience this morning. The man in his sea green lab coat pushes me up against some X-ray machine runs out of the room and pushes some buttons (Or at least I assume he's pushing buttons because there is a lot of beeping going on) and then opens the door. I guess I'm done now? I leave the room after I grab my blue sheet with all my red stamps, assuming I passed them all and hand them to the lady who brought me here. She hands me my purse and jacket which she's been holding it the entire time while running me from room to room and runs to the reception to turn in my blue sheet.
ALL DONE!
Back in the car now and on the way home. Whew! That was an exhausting morning. They really run you between rooms it was insane. Now I need a shower to wash off all the iodine, ultrasound goop and sticky ECG crap!
Oh my goodness!!! Were you freaked out? I would be! And where was Bill? You are so brave! Have you asked other expats if this has happened to them? And are there private doctors there for you to see? Sounds worse than the NHS....
ReplyDeleteIt was pretty weird Cassie, and the lady pushed me through from room to room so fast my brain didn't have time to process what was going on. Apparently this is the standard procedure for all expats who are applying for residency, so everyone I've met has survived it but it's been quite the adventure. Bill travels to Wuhu(a town about 5 hours away) Mon-Fri every week so I'm on my own these days! I hope I never have to see a doc here, there is a Singapore clinic though that'd I'd go to if I was desperate!
Delete